


Turks Trivia Night

by MeChewChew



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Crack, Drinking, Gen, M/M, trivia night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25845703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeChewChew/pseuds/MeChewChew
Summary: “What should we name our team?” Rufus is holding the dry erase marker in his hand, holding the whiteboard close to himself.Oh right. It was trivia night.Reno immediately raises his hand and proudly says “Big Booty Hoes.”
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII), Rufus Shinra/Tseng
Comments: 15
Kudos: 73





	Turks Trivia Night

They don’t remember whose idea it was, but the five of them end up in a pub at Wall Market, squeezed into a corner booth with a whiteboard on the center of the table. Rufus is quick to hail over a waiter and order two of their strongest pitchers and a plethora of greasy food for all of them.

Tseng doesn’t even know why they’re pretending to be inconspicuous when everyone in Midgar would notice _the_ Rufus Shinra. He sits on the inside of the booth with Rufus next to him, the Shinra heir refusing to sit on the inside where it was safer. Rude’s shoved in the corner on the other side with Elena in the center and Reno next to her.

Rufus’ jacket is bunched up in the corner of their side of the booth along with Reno’s, his dress shirt barely holding itself together with two buttons fastened. Elena’s jacket is unbuttoned while he and Rude still have their uniforms on completely.

“What should we name our team?” Rufus is holding the dry erase marker in his hand, holding the whiteboard close to himself.

Oh right. It was trivia night.

Reno immediately raises his hand and proudly says “Big Booty Hoes.”

Elena elbows him in the stomach. Tseng and Rude groan as Reno coughs. Rufus looks up in thought and hums.

“I like-”

“No.”

Tseng cuts him off with a glare and Rufus pouts, “Well what do YOU like then?”

“Anything but that,” he deadpans, taking a sip of his drink after Elena had so nicely poured them out for everyone.

“Hmm…oh-” Rufus leans over the table, beckoning Reno closer and hiding their mouths behind his hand so they can whisper to each other. A few snickers coming from the two has Rude and Tseng looking concerned at each other. Elena’s face turns completely red, evidently hearing the name from the two troublemakers.

The announcer asks everyone to raise up their boards so the recorder can write down all their team names on the board. Reno quickly erases the board with his sleeve before anyone else at the table can see it after the names are recorded. Rufus takes a seat directly onto Tseng’s lap and turns his head to smile at him innocently.

“Oh, sorry, is this seat already taken?”

Tseng grunts and pushes him off to the side.

“I hate you guys…” Elena murmurs into her drink, still bright as a cherry at the name of their team.

The announcer starts off with his first round of questions, easy ones that most people would know.

Everyone except Rufus Shinra apparently.

The young heir watches helplessly as the whiteboard is taken from him by Reno, each question being answered by one of their party members.

Rufus crosses his arms and huffs before the first round is complete. “How do you all know the answers to these questions?”

They all simultaneously look up at him and answer together. “We’re not rich.”

Rufus’ jaw drops and he just refills his drink with a grumble before downing it. “It’s not MY fault that I’m a sheltered child.”

Tseng sighs and they all happen to look away from Rufus in different directions.

“Hello?”

Before Rufus can start making a ruckus, Tseng hands him the whiteboard and marker and tells him that he can answer the next question.

“Alright Ladies and Gentlemen!” The announcer perks back up, “Final question for our first round. Which sport is played in the water with a ball where you can’t touch the ground?”

“Oh- I know this one!” Rufus is quick to write down the answer and hold up the board.

“Wait, why didn’t we score a point?” Reno squints at the scoreboard to see that they’ve fallen behind the others. He grabs the white board from Rufus before he can erase it.

“MARCO POLO?” Reno yells, turning the board around to show it off to the others, dodging Rufus’ grabby hands.

Rude turns his head and snickers into his hand, Tseng following his lead while Elena and Reno bang their fists on the table, laughing their heads off.

Rufus takes back the board and wipes it down with a napkin, giving them a glare. “You’re all fired.”

Reno leans forward to press his finger to Rufus’ pouting lips. “Aww, is the wittle bonbon sad because he’s not good at a game?” He pulls his finger back before Rufus can bite him, leaning back against the booth and eating the fries on the table.

The second round starts and Rufus nearly shouts in excitement when they announce the next question.

"What is a classification of defensive behavior for creating a monopoly?"

Reno groans and drapes himself across Elena and Rude. He promptly closes his eyes and Elena has half a mind to punch him in the stomach, but decides against it. 

Rufus raises the white board after he finishes scribbling, yelling out, “I’ll give you three!”

The announcer praises him and decides to give him an extra point for his excellence. And just like that, they’re tied for first place again with some other team named ‘Space Pants.’

Rufus grins, “I’ve redeemed myself, so you’re all welcome.”

“We could’ve been in first if you hadn’t messed up in the first pla-ow!” Rude kicks Reno under the table, forcing him to sit up and glare at him.

The next three questions are equally as niche and difficult for the lot of them, leaving it up to Rufus to answer the questions. They just watch as he’s on a roll until they hear familiar voices coming from the booth behind them.

“Aren’t you supposed to be good at economics?”

“Budget planning isn’t the same as economics!”

“Look, now we’re losing!”

“Well if you wanted to win so badly then maybe you should’ve brought the President with you instead of forcing me to come.”

Rufus stands up and sticks his head over the booth to peer into the other.

“...Scarlet?”

“Rufus?”

“Mr. Vice-President?”

The Turks all stand up from where they’re sitting and look over to see the entire Board of Directors, minus Hojo and the President, sitting in the booth besides them. It’s silent for a moment as they just blink at each other, only broken by Reeve sighing haggardly and hiding his head in his hands.

Rufus looks at Palmer and makes the connection. “Are you…team Space Pants?”

They get a collective groan from everyone at the table besides the short man who just nods, “they told me to pick the name!”

“Are you team TLS?” Heidegger grunts, arms crossed and eyeing the golden boy.

“Hell yeah we are,” Reno comments, earning a glare from the Director.

The next question arrives and they sit back down, passing the board to Rude, who writes down the different wheat types to a question about regular flour vs cake flour.

“What does TLS stand for?” Tseng finally asks.

“Nothing,” Rufus and Reno sing back to him, smiling to themselves as Elena turns red again.

“Elena.” Tseng stares at her.

They all watch as she accidentally knocks her drink into Reno’s lap with a squeak, elbows Rude while grabbing a napkin, and spills the basket of fries onto herself in the process.

“I’m sorry!!” She wails, dabbing the napkin harshly into Reno’s lap.

Reno sighs and moves her hand back to deal with it himself. He looks up at Tseng with a glare, “You did that on purpose.”

Tseng shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rude continues answering the next few questions about baking and cooking, a content little smile on his face. They’ve all had his desserts before and love tasting his treats. Elena’s still simmering in embarrassment and lays her head on the table to stew until the round’s over. It takes a bit of coaxing from Reno until she picks her head back up again, another shot being pushed into her hand as they all toast again.

The final round begins and Elena’s ecstatic to discover that the topic is alcohol. They all watch in awe as she answers the mixology questions and is challenged by the bartender to a cocktail battle. Some ice here, a splash there, a little shake shake shake, and she pours out a crisp mojito, giving the mint a slap before placing it into the glass, earning the whole table a round of cocktails and a large applause.

She comes back to the table with a tray of drinks, Reno scooting in so she can sit on the outside now. He whistles and barely dodges a punch to his face before Elena’s handing out the drinks.

The next question comes about the death year of someone politician, and Tseng answers it with not only the year, but the month and day too, earning an extra point.

“Why do you know that?” Reno asks.

“I was the one who took him out.” Tseng hides a small grin behind his hand, “He was an asshole anyways.”

The whole table quiets and stares at him in amazement. Not at the killing, of course, but at the swear that leaves his mouth.

“Chief, are you drunk?” Reno leans closer and Tseng turns his head away with a shake of his head.

Rufus grabs his chin and turns his face and lets out a delighted squeal.

“Look how red he is!” He turns Tseng’s head back towards the table.

Tseng huffs and pries Rufus’ fingers away. “It’s just Asian glow. I’m not drunk.”

It’s too late though as all of them are leaning towards him to just look.

‘Cute...’

Tseng leans backs into the seat and frowns, “It’s not polite to stare, you know.”

“But you’re so cute,” Rufus squeezes him tightly and Tseng hopes that his cheeks aren’t flushing another shade deeper.

Tseng peels Rufus off of him and grabs the board as the next question is asked, answering again the year that some big celebrity had died.

“Did you kill him too?” Rufus asks, leaning onto the table.

“No,” he shrugs, “I just happened to almost die that year too.”

Before they can ask him the details about it, the announcer rings out, presenting the scoreboard. “It looks like we have a tie for first place between team Space Pants and team TLS! It seems that we’ll be starting a lightning round in order to declare our winner!”

“We have to beat the Board,” Rufus hisses, earning a serious nod from the rest of the table. It’s a real operation now.

“The topic will be: pop culture!”

Reno hoots while the table beside them groans. “My time to shine, baby!” Reno grabs the board and marker, ready to win.

Who won the music award last year? Got it.

Who featured in this certain film five years ago? Got it.

How old is this pop sing? Got it!

Reno laughs maniacally to himself, relishing in the way that their points go up as the others’ stays the same. He vaguely hears Rufus asking who all these people are and his sarcastic apology for not having a life outside of work.

“Which celebrity has a tattoo of a bee on their right hip?”

“What the fuck?” Reno mumbles, trying to rack his brain for a tattoo most people wouldn’t see.

“Sunny Lee!”

Surprisingly, it’s Rufus who shouts out the answer. They all turn to look at him in confusion and he just gives them a smile. “I didn’t know he was that famous. I slept with him one time.” He quickly turns to Tseng and says that it didn’t mean anything. Tseng just asks him if he looked like him.

The announcer feels bad for the other team and makes the final question worth ten points. Just enough for them to win if they got it. Reno yells about the unfairness of it all and Elena and Rude yank him down to sit again.

“Alright folks. Final question, worth 10 points.” A drum roll begins and rifts throughout the crowd, quieting as the announcer raises the microphone to his lips.

“This celebrity has a special place in all our hearts. Whether you love him or hate him, you can’t go anywhere around here without hearing the latest gossip about him. Recently, the hot gossip about this man is about his shampoo. Who is this man?”

The Turks all slam their hands on the table and stand up, shouting in unison.

“Rufus Shinra!”

“The winner is team Tseng’s Long Schlong!”

Confetti and cheers blast through the room as the host comes to hand them a pile of vouchers. Tseng grabs Rufus by the collar and hauls him against the back of the booth.

“What did you name our team.”

“You heard it,” Rufus gasps out, trying to pry him off.

It’s not until Elena insists on them finishing their drinks that he lets go and sits back down again, his head pounding from the alcohol intolerance. Rude pockets the vouchers and they spend another hour finishing the food and drinks on their table. Tseng somehow turns more red through the night and is busy nursing his massive headache to bother with Reno and Rufus, who are progressively becoming louder and louder the more intoxicated they become. Rude and Elena, thank Minerva, manage to keep the two seated at the table. Tseng simply closes his eyes when Reno starts climbing onto Rude’s lap, pretending his ears don’t work when they start slobbering over each other.

He feels Rufus’ hand creeping into his lap and doesn’t even turn to look at him before threatening, “If you try to do anything, I will vomit on you.”

Rufus pouts and hails their waiter over, telling him to give their check to the table beside them, along with a note saying that the losers should pay for the winners. Elena starts stacking the plates and cups, wiping down the table before struggling to pull Rufus’ wallet out of his pants. She pulls out two large bills and puts it on the table for a tip.

Elena helps Reno get onto Rude’s back so he can carry him back, then turns to the last two with a sigh. With an arm around each other’s backs, she watches as Rufus and Tseng stumble out together, standing behind just in case they happen to lean too far one way. She ends up standing on Tseng’s other side to help him walk after watching him throw up in an alley. This wasn’t very sexy of him, she thinks.

They all wake up smooshed onto the couch the next morning with a hangover; except Elena, who spends the better half of the day forcing water down their throats.

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on twitter @mechewchew or @thirstysexy ~ ;)


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